Some Sense of Security
by sky-lee
Summary: Oneshot/Tokka. Toph reflects on a time when Sokka needed her most.


**A/N: ****So, here I thought I would be taking January off from Fanfiction. HA. That's a funny joke. I don't think I could completely give it up, actually. Only minor hiatuses during stressing times.**

**So, you might be asking yourself (probably not) how Tokka could have angst. Well, my dearies, I can make anything angst-y. Apparently, that's the only thing I can write...maybe. I tend to lean towards it, I guess, because its different from all the fluff out there. Don't get me wrong, I love reading good quality fluff, but I get tired of writing it myself. After writing it though, I just feel…sticky. And that I should go take a scalding hot shower to singe all the sap off of me. I get really into what I write, so the feelings stick with me awhile. Angst is just easier for me to deal with since, you know, I AM a teenager. Lolercopter (an LOL in copter form *spins around in mock helicopter fashion*)**

**Song- OF COURSE I have a song for this! Pshhhh. I always do. You would realize the lyrics are weaved into the story if you look them up.. "Some Sense of Security" by Saosin. Requested by my friend Amanda. :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or any of the other epic components of this show. Or Saosin's music and lyrics. I DO own the angst, and that counts for something!**

* * *

Some Sense of Security

Darkness has become my only friend, nowadays. I can only describe it as the perfect house guest; perfectly punctual, and without out preconceptions. It let's me sit in its shadow miserably, without criticism or pity. Its consistent nature has caused me to crave the time of day when the sun's bright light retreats and its warmth no longer touches my bare arms.

"He lied," I stated for about the hundredth time. I shoved my head under the covers and pulled my legs up to my chest. "Spirits, did he lie."

I listened carefully, checking if anybody could've heard me. I knew, of course, that no one would've. No one came near my wing of the house, more so, my room. My parents gave me all the space I wanted when I willingly moved back into the Bei Fong estate. They were so thrilled to have me back under their roof that they left me be. After all, their wish was finally granted; they could look after their "defenseless" daughter once again. I stifled a manic chuckle. This entire situation was so ridiculous; it was they who were vulnerable. I could fight, I could look after myself. My parents, on the other hand, relied on servants to provide for them. They had guards to protect them from any slight infraction. If all of that disappeared suddenly, they'd come crying to me for help. How could _I _be weak? I'd been through more in my 16 years on this earth then they ever had or will be. I felt another stint of cynical laughter shake silently through me. Tears tried to sneak their way out with it, but I wiped them away immediately. This entire predicament wasn't worth my tears. _He_ wasn't worth my tears.

"He lied," I repeated, even louder this time.

He loved me. Though he never admitted it, I knew. I could feel it in every movement he made. After all, I saved him from the black hole he was dying in when Suki broke his heart. I listened to his tears, reasoned with his irrational thoughts. I fought for him. He listened to my unsolved problems with patience and understanding. He knew me better than anyone ever had or will.

* * *

Our commiserating had led us into a happy-sad relationship. Misery loves company, I suppose. All the time spent together had bonded us. When we sulked about the town, he always draped his arm around my waist or linked it through my arm. Any time he could, he kept contact between us. He held my hand through the uncomfortable, and pulled me closer when we sat down. I wasn't Suki. Honestly, I never could be. But, I had been something different to him: less than a girlfriend, but much more than a best friend. So much more.

Luck eludes me, though, so, it shouldn't have surprised me when he started slipping away. He reverted back to his closed up, miserable state, refusing to grab my outstretched hand. I was persistent; he had almost been his "normal" self again. He was so close to realizing how much he, _we_, needed each other. I was so stunned by the fallout, that I hardly had time to process it all.

I finally decided enough was enough. I would make him stop moping, once and for all. I had cornered him in the house we shared, leaving him without a physical escape.

"What's with you lately?"

"…Can you stop pinning me to the wall? Please?"

I blatantly ignored him. "Answer me. Where have you been?"

"Uhm, right here?"

I chuckled sarcastically. "Yeah, right. Your body's here, sure, but you're not. Talk to me."

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just…in a low point, I guess."

"Bullshit, Sokka. I can tell you're lying.

He sighed in defeat and cast me a gloomy gaze. "Suki's back in town."

I steadied myself on the wall he was pressed against. "...What?"

"Suki's back. She's been writing to me for the past couple of weeks, trying to work things out with us. Being apart was bad…for the both of us."

"But what about…us?" I motioned halfheartedly to the space between us

"Toph, you know how much I want her back. Here's my chance. We're just friend-." I cut him off with a sharp glance.

"Don't even try to pull that one on me. You do not treat your friends this way. You don't hold hands with them or treat them like a girlfriend. Seriously."

He changed his approach, resorting to anger, hoping to finally push me away. "Nothing happened with us, Toph! Spirits, you're acting like I asked you to marry me or something. Maybe then you'd have the right to throw a hissy fit." He was practically screeching now.

"You mind as well have!" I retaliated. "So, you're saying that you haven't cared for me as more than a friend this entire time? I don't believe you for a second."

"I don't! I didn't! Never! No, no no, no…" His fictitious refusals droned on in the background of my reeling mind.

_Do something, Toph! Stop being a wimp! You're going to lose him! You can't. Not now. Not after everything. FOCUS. No, not on his babbling! Think of how to get him back. Keep him here, Toph. Do something, say something…_

Though I'd been arguing myself, little thought was put into the next course of action I'd taken.

Blindly, I pressed my lips to his, hoping for a reaction, or for him to stop talking, at least. When I pulled back quickly, I felt his head shift to face me, and the muscles in his face twist into what can only be called a look of complete shock.

"What…did you…just do?"

"You needed to take a breath at some point."

"That's not what I meant! _WHY_ Toph? Why? You know I don't….want that with us."

"You lie like a rug, Sokka! You felt something and you know it!"

It all took a turn for the worst.

His face smoothed again, not a flicker of emotion seeped into his detached voice. "I feel nothing, Toph. I'm giving up on this, so give it up already."

I staggered back, leaving him room to leave. He was out the door before I could even reply. His words had shocked me so much that I didn't even consider the fact that he was lying point blank.

I sat in that lonely house for awhile. It's amazing how such meaningful walls and floors can change within a moment. A place that I'd regarded as a solace for so many months had become so eerie and empty. It was obvious I could stay there no longer. I quickly abandoned the house, leaving but a note on the door for Sokka when he returned. That was, _if_ he ever did.

* * *

These past couple months have been long, seemingly endless. Many would call it the breaking point, a point of no return, but I would call it a shift in the fault lines. The quake shook my world to its core, raining rubble on top of me, breaking my limbs. I might be trapped now, but I know the wounds will heal in time.

I take it back; darkness is not my friend. It's just a meaningless constant, something secure to depend on. But in the end, security means absolutely nothing in a war zone.


End file.
